Closing the Bumble Window

Today, I write about a final goodbye to Bumble, a dating app that, like many people my age, I had once ventured into. It was some years back when a friend of mine once mentioned the app where she had met her then-fiancé. A few months later, I was alone during Eid in Germany when it occurred to me, “Why not sign up for Bumble? Let's... let's socialise!” I had little intention of finding a suitor; I was more interested in finding a buddy. That started my journey with Bumble. Some years later or, as I call it- “now”- the road with Bumble ends. Now, after so many years, the decision to finally shut off Bumble felt both radical and necessary. Let's dive deeper into what led me to ending it. 

During those years, people in Kreis Kleve still seemed to rely mostly on meeting in person. Perhaps at Vaterstag, Karneval, community clubs, or simply through everyday social circles. Expats like me, probably on some peripheral nights when loneliness crept in, turned to such apps to kill the boredom or in harsher words, to find a sense of belonging. In that year, I matched with two men on Bumble. Interestingly, I had no idea that Bumble required women to send the first message after a match.

The very first match was from a gentleman who extended the match after the 24-hour expiration since I did not initiate the conversation (due to lack of technical knowledge). After he extended, I apologised and explained that I had zero knowledge of how Bumble works. The rest flowed so smoothly... an invitation to a coffee date, last-minute time adjustments, meeting points, and the encounter. Then the walks near the Rhine River, sipping coffee in a small local café and conversation about our daily lives. It was a lovely meeting… beautiful, as I think of it now. 

Even though today's note is more about my journey with Bumble than the people I came across, the above-mentioned encounter was worth mentioning. The time that followed was one of the most beautiful periods of my life. 

At present, some of my friends, active Bumble users, informed me that my profile appeared to them on the app a couple of times. In reality, I have not even been active on the app for a long time. The last time I opened the app was probably to meet a friend from Bumble BFF at a book club in early 2024. Even though I was informed, I never cared to shut it off. Bumble bi-annually sent me notifications to return, but I chose not to. Two reasons: first, I was lazy. Second, the charm and thrill had left my soul a long time ago.

So, today I opened the app. A lot has changed. Bumble kept telling me about the new features, how some people may still find me attractive or relevant. Naturally, after all these years, my geographical location changed. Priorities of my life changed too. For some, perhaps, it is reassuring, even validating, to know that people are willing to connect based on attractiveness and so-called shared interests. For me, I think the number one reason I lost my appetite as these interactions offered almost zero ROI.  Maybe, through beginner’s luck, some may find jackpots, but most of us remain wandering ghosts. 

However, there is another option which I personally felt more attached to. The inbox. I found some forgotten chat heads, never-really-begun, never-really-ended conversations, some BFF buddies I never met, and conversations that had really gone cold. Then, among them, I came across one particular conversation. It was the gentleman I met near the Rhine River. The conversation was so gentle, soft, and peaceful. I was so young and innocent... Something about that old conversation brought me back to the day. Suddenly, I could almost smell the Rhine, the freshly brewed coffee, the sunny day, and the coming summer in Kreis Kleve.

Bumble or any dating app can bring you one step closer to your soulmate, if God permits. They become a success story for some and a disappointment for others. However, these apps can surely play as a time capsule, as the old chat did for me. In other cases, the thrill of meeting someone new, having joyful conversations, and finding new hope can bring motivation and optimism into one’s adult life. With a new person, new luck may flourish or new days may feel brighter. The hope of meeting like-minded people keeps bringing us back. And perhaps, that is dating apps' real magic.

Clearly, my Bumble experience wasn't quite a Romeo-meets-Juliet moment from Romeo + Juliet (1996). Indeed, the beginning was too beautiful to write about properly. The ending, maybe, is simply another chapter-- with not much character development. It ended. Perhaps that's all that matters. I surely took the ride for as long as it lasted. Boy! Was it an interesting ride!